i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
