It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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