If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
