I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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