My hair reeks of homosexuality.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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