hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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