I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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