I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
