am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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