Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i think i just lost a toe
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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