I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
