Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
