theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
