Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
