i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
