thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize