i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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