First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
