just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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