I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
