babies were throwing up all over the place
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
