but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
