Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
