Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
