accomplished twins. life is a go
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
