fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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