His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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