so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize