just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
