i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
