That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize