Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I licked your asshole in confidence.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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