Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize