I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
