Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
