somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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