My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
