FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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