But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
