But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
