I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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