i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
