It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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