I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
