I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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