I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
