i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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