I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
