Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
her facebook's as public as her vagina
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
