about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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