I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
