Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
