the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize