you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
