i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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