By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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