never play flip cup with pint glasses
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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