the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
