Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
