found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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