When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
