im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize