I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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