I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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