Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
