maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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