dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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