i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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