I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
