woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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