FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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