he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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