dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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