I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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