My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
