So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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