Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
