my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
