thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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