I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
