So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
