What did we do last night that was yellow?
no, he came in my armpit
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
