she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize