I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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