when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
