So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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