Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
