Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
