you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
